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Saw this and thought why not. Enjoy

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad."



With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.



"Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.



Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.



Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really Hurt anyone.We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.



In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!



Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.



Love, your son, John.



P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

giggle

lol nice one

ps. It's thursday

haha

A dad walks into a market with his young son. The boy is holding a
pound coin.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.

The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking,
shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in
a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the
market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her
coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds the newspaper
and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way,
unhurried, across the market.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the
boy's testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first
and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy
convulses violently and coughs up the coin, which
the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks
back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill
effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her
saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was
fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

"No," the woman replies, "I work for The Inland Revenue ".

^^^

the first one i've heard a couple of times before and is always good, but the second one is pure quality

haha

Both quality. Heard the 2nd 1 before but still made me chuckle.

Technically it's sunday so I'll contribute again...



A Scotsman phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a tooth extraction.

"£85 for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied.

£85!!! Huv ye no'got anythin' cheaper?"

That's the normal charge," said the dentist .

"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anesthetic?"

"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock £15 off.

"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without an anaesthetic?"

"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the price could drop to £40".

"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, ave yer student do the extraction with the other students watchin' and learnin'?"

It'll be good for the students, mulled the dentist. "I'll charge you £5. But it's going to be very traumatic."

"Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman. "Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?"

All three are funny!

all three are quality

third is brilliant!!

haha ye all 3 are funny.