Joke - Breaking news - Earthquake in Essex
Posted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 6:10 pm
A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Tuesday 3 February. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fackin 'ell" and "whatta cant". The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30
worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish
Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.
Essex FM News (State Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents
were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact
that something interesting had happened in Basildon.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 17-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was shaking as I watched telly."
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still
searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal
belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at
Argos and Bone China from Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those
unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought
after, items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa
tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell suits (female) White sport socks
Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Matalan.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice
cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in
the compensation forms, £2.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for
a family of 5, £5.00 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm
the nerves of those affected. Please do not send tents for shelter, as the
sight of posh housing is unfair on the population of neighbouring areas of
Vange, Pitsea and Laindon.
**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret - 'where are
you bleeding from?' they asked, 'Romford' said the girl 'woss that got to
do wiv it?'
worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish
Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.
Essex FM News (State Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents
were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact
that something interesting had happened in Basildon.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 17-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was shaking as I watched telly."
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still
searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal
belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at
Argos and Bone China from Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those
unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought
after, items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa
tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell suits (female) White sport socks
Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Matalan.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice
cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in
the compensation forms, £2.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for
a family of 5, £5.00 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm
the nerves of those affected. Please do not send tents for shelter, as the
sight of posh housing is unfair on the population of neighbouring areas of
Vange, Pitsea and Laindon.
**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret - 'where are
you bleeding from?' they asked, 'Romford' said the girl 'woss that got to
do wiv it?'
good choice of name too! i much prefer helen though, i know so many helens 
