Joke - QANTAS (Aussies, don't you just love'em)

[bstardchild]

Firstly apologies if this has been seen before

Secondly - anyone thought of having a humour section to keep it out of car related chit chat?

Thirdly - There is no third - on with the action...... This had me in stiches

Starts

After every flight the pilots have to fill in a form commonly known as a 'gripe sheet'. The purpose of this sheet is to convey to the groundcrew/mechanics encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form the remedial action taken.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. (By the way, Qantas is the only major airline never to have had an accident)

P= problem logged by pilot
S= solution and action taken by the mechanics

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacing
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre

P:Test flight OK except auto-land very rough
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P:Dead bugs on windshield
S: Live bugs on back order

P:Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200ft per minute descent
S: cannot reproduce problem on ground

P:Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S: Evidence removed

P: DME volume unbelievably loud
S: DME volume reset to more believable level

P:Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
S: That's what they're there for

P: IFF inoperative
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

P: Suspected crack in windshield
S: Suspect you're right

P: Number 3 engine missing
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious

P:Target radar hums
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

P: Mouse in cockpit
S: Cat installed

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Ends

PS I've got people I work with who are almost as funny with what they write in the engineering logs!!!!

[Prash]

[Karl_CLCoupe]

Thats class. Trust the Ausies to think of some of those

Karl.

[Tahrey1043]

love it

wish i could get away with that stuff in the bar waste-book... we've had some classics but the auditor drones appear to lack a sense of humour chip

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

he was asking for that